I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
