ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
