How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
