I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
