i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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