you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
