need another drink. this is the easiest way
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
