She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
