I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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