You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
