I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
