i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
