i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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