Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
