Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
