The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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