her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
