Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
