I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
