Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im holly from the hills drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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