Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
