If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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