i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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