that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
