My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
