Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
