Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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