I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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