I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
