even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
