I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
