Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
