Already got asked if we're dating
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
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i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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