Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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