In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
