Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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