How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
