okay pat passed out under dana's car
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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