if you like me you must not know who I am
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize