i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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