Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize