So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
