if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
