just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
