Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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