his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
