We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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