Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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