I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
