I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
