I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
