Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
