so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
