My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
