Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
