Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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