So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
