your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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