shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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