dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
