you didnt know i had herpes?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
